back to school.. er work.

my dad used to nag us the day before school and sing "back to school" over and over, as a reminder that our vacation fun was done. that's how i feel today. dad'll be coming over this afternoon so i can shower and get ready to leave. he's going to watch bitty and nibs until charlie gets home.

i've got some bottles sterilized, we don't know what kind she'll take. and i have a little breast milk frozen, probably enough for 3 bottles. after that it's formula until i build up a supply. she doesn't wake up that often at night to eat, usually i feed her at 9, between 11 and 12, and then not again until about 5am.

it always sucks leaving them to go back to work. i hated leaving o even more i think because she was still miserable and screaming constantly when i had to go back, i felt so bad leaving her. at least b is healthy now.

bailey's fighting a nap in the swing, klausie and olivia are in the back yard. she's got a small shovel that she thinks she needs to dig up the back yard with. it's nice to have her playing outside more though. she just dumped a nice shovelful of sand on the dog, poor guy.

she's still doing pretty well with the potty. accidents here and there, but at least she's making an effort unlike before. i'm not the mom that's going to scrape poop out of panties to save a buck- if you poop in them, they go in the trash. she doesn't like watching her princess panties go in the trash, so that's a motivator.

even though i was miserable and pregnant, at least i could nap before work when it was just o. can't trust the 3 year old around bailey if i'm not paying attention, so that'll take some bribery in her room with a baby gate up. tonight should be interesting- new year's eve is always bad at a trauma center, nightshift on new year's is always worse, but no nap and a 12 hour shift will make it even more fun. hopefully the drunks will have thinned out by the time i need drive home in the morning. between business and needing to pump every 3-4 hours, i'm sure the night will fly by.

"we've had one yes, but what about second breakfast?"

i've realized that i'm probably not going to get to see "the hobbit" in theaters, so i've resigned myself to watching the lord of the rings extended editions on blu-ray today. it never pans out that i get out to do anything minus kids with everybody's schedules and the novelty has kind of worn off.

-0: that's my weight loss for this week, at least i didn't gain weight after the christmas debacle of chicken parmesan, lasagna, and ridiculous amounts of desserts. so the total loss so far is 5lbs. i'll try to add to that this week. work is doing a biggest loser challenge, the buy in is only $25 so i'll give it a shot. i'm about the most uncompetitive person with anything, but i came in second last year in our department's competition, and that was after getting pregnant and having a miscarriage, so i guess i have a shot. i'm a slow and steady person with it, and i'm sick of being fat.

today i've been putting the christmas stuff away, just the tree left really and the outside stuff. i hate taking down the tree, absolutely hate it. it's pretty dead at this point though, and i want the house back to normal before i go back to work monday. i have a feeling shit's going to inevitably hit the fan as far as staying clean when i do so i'm trying to get it as good as i can before i go back.

paid some bills today: nothing says "get your butt back to work, maternity leave is over" like looking at the checkbook after paying your biggest bills. we wouldn't have been able to stay afloat without everybody's donations of pto, i'm so thankful for that. it'd have been smart to pay some major bills off, but we were able to dent a few and still enjoy the holidays. tax time is coming, and after we go to disney there's nothing really we're going to be spending on. just getting by.

i have an interview at work on thursday for the night shift version of the position i used to have before i stepped down to come to nightshift, we'll see how that goes. doesn't hurt to apply.

what else. glad olivia's ginger bread house looks absolutely disgusting sitting in front of me right now. mm, 3 year old finger marks from where she scraped off the candy and icing :)

bailey's actually sleeping right now in the swing. yesterday was awful, she was a fuss budget all day. didn't matter if i held her, had her in the swing- anything really. she cried. my aunt and uncle took O to see "monsters, inc." yesterday and then to ice cream, so i had just bailey for most of the afternoon. didn't make anything any easier, i had to go to target and drop off things at kiwanis and she cried the entire time.

olivia's doing good today again with the panties. please God let her be getting it this time. 58 days until Disney- wouldn't it be nice to have her not in pull-ups then? it's hard trying to monitor what she's sitting on and making her pee while dealing with bailey, but it's got to be done.

a few pics

miss and i made sugar cookies, but she really didn't need my help very much. 

 she was rolling them out, cutting them out, and putting them on the trays without my help

bitty seemed to enjoy them

 miss has taken to spelling out letters every chance she gets

this is the countdown chart i made for o, we're down to 60 days :) come on february!

i should've set up the video camera for making this. after everything bailey's been through, you'd have thought dipping her foot in paint was worse than having part of her lung taken out lol. HYSTERICAL.

 this was about 2:30am when we finally got done setting everything out

and this was yesterday, me having a tea party with the princesses and miss nibs.

on christmas eve charlie and i got up early and cooked. i made lasagna, he made chicken parm. then i baked the crack brownies, a cranberry scone thing, and cranberry upside down cake. then we got ready and went to a 5pm church service. o went in the 3 year old room and had a blast, we held bailey. our church isn't very traditional and does some louder good music, bailey loves it though. they played "little drummer boy" with about 6 guys with a big drum instrumental, it was really nice. it's good to celebrate the meaning of the holiday and not forget. i've been reading the bible a lot lately and it just seems to take something off my shoulders to put my faith in something higher again. i used to love going to church when i was little, and then things changed. it's nice to be back there again. and it's nice to have charlie go with me. i was raised catholic, he was raised baptist, so for us to be able to find somewhere we can both go to is huge. after that we came home and did jammies and tried to put the kids to bed.

she made out pretty well this year. the mommy and daddy gift was the disney trip. she also got the swingset, puzzles, a stuffed animal from one of her favorite books, a book, a board game, tea set, games for her innotab, tons of nightgowns, clothes, shoes, hair accessories, a bracelet, her ornament, a year of abcmouse.com from her great-aunt, a jacket, a ride on barbie car from carly and casey (she's obsessed), art stuff, a barbie golf cart for her little dolls, candy, a few other dolls. very cool to see her face, she was actually starting to get tired of opening stuff by the end, but she persevered and then opened all of bailey's stuff and helped me and charlie finish opening our stuff :)

i got a pandora bracelet with a bunch of charms that charlie had let me pick out, and an amazing crock pot. i got a dutch oven from my parents, some gift cards to restaurants and amazon. lots of awesome stuff. 

charlie liked his stuff, i got him a few games for the ps3 (he was up till after midnight last night playing assassin's creed 3 and he had to be up for 5am to work lol), a buccaneers golf case for all of his golf stuff that holds shoes, balls and accessories. i got him some golf stuff, like tees, a golf club cleaner, towel, golf boxers (don't ask, they are the same material as golf shirts that wick away sweat and he loves them), and an electric razor. 

klausie got a cindy lou who toy and bunny cat got a catnip mouse which he's been making a moron out of himself over for the past several days :)

my house is torn up right now, i'm going through the kitchen and have 2 boxes filled with odds and ends that i'm gonna drop off at good will, including my old crock pot with the missing knob. it still works though, i just used it a few weeks ago. 

i'm gonna go try to to put away some christmas stuff later too so i can get bailey's room back in order. it looks like christmas puked in there, there's open totes and stuff all over the place. 

i've noticed a real difference in bailey the last week, she seems more content finally when she's awake. there was a while that it was really a short window of her being happy before she had to be swaddled and put down to nap, now she's more alert and smiles. she coos. it's so nice to see. she's passed out in her swing right now because she's that kid that insists on movement. i bought an ergo baby carrier so we can go for walks at night because she hates the stroller.

today i decided to bite the bullet again and attempt a day of panties with olivia. so far so good, wish us luck. i've got to get this kid potty trained. wouldn't it be nice if we could get that accomplished before disney? 

i'm gonna go try to make some weight watchers french onion soup in my new crockpot :)

merry christmas from grammy

i don't usually believe in this kind of stuff, but just wow.

so charlie and i are wrapping presents and setting stuff up under the tree, making sure we didn't misplace anything. it's 11something, O didn't get to sleep til around 10 because she was so wired. and then we hear this alarm start to go off back in bailey's room. and it's loud. so we're freaking that it's going to wake up nibs. it's one of those loud alarms that accelerates and sounds like a bomb about to go off. it stops, he comes out of the back room and says "stupid sony never die alarm clock"- and i stared at the clock. midnight. merry christmas from grammy. that was her alarm clock. my mom and i randomly ended up with belongings from the nursing home when she died, and that has been at my house since october 1st sitting in a box of random stuff in bailey's room, i've never touched it and it has never made a noise until now.

i just started crying and laughing. that would be her, i can just see her face cracking up. she said it to me first, i didn't even realize it was christmas yet. she used to love to call me first in the morning on my birthday and stuff. it's still got me messed up in the head right now. thanks gram. i didn't cry today making your brownies, but you got me anyways.

it's xmas eve!!

it's 2:15am, i'm still up, i'm wired, it's christmas eve. how is it here all ready?

today i made sugar cookies, cleaned. then we made a painting for our house and for my mom with the kids' footprints that i turned into reindeer. also made our family ornament with all of our thumbprints on it. we gave them baths, put them to bed. i made a countdown chart for olivia to our disney trip. i have a box for her to open with a few other disney things in it, a bracelet and autograph book and an apron. then she can open the chart: everything is from santa this year except the trip. i'll do pictures later. then i wrapped more presents. been thawing out all the sausage/ground beef and chicken for the food i'm making tomorrow. that took a while.

i moved sally, our elf on a shelf, to her final location of the season. we have a "santa key" that is in a hanging wall plaque. sally's confiscated it. i made a zip line from the ceiling fan to this wall plaque, then another zip line to the garland hanging by the kitchen and a final one to the front door, where she's attempting to deposit this santa key for tomorrow night. :) olivia loves this elf on a shelf business. she blames EVERYTHING on sally. who broke my gingerbread house? sally. who ate all the pizzelle cookies that grandma mich made? sally. silly silly sally.

well it doesn't help that they've had a lord of the rings marathon on tv tonight, and i'm still watching it. i can't believe i still haven't seen the hobbit. i was sitting on the couch earlier laughing and told charlie, if you told me 10 years ago i'd not be at opening night i wouldn't have believed you. but then there is this little amazing bailey boo in my arms here now, and i'll see it eventually.

so tomorrow: my lists. i'm big on lists.

cooking:
lasagna
chicken parm
crack brownies
cranberry breakfast baked thing, kinda a dessert
cranberry upside down cake
choc chip cookies

cleaning:
laundry
dishes
sweep
mop
porch
bathrooms
vacuum
move boxes
move pack and play
wash bailey's xmas outfit

presents to wrap:
zobo
mom's
b's clothes
o's shoes
o's earrings/hairbows
jesse/kayla's
o's mousepad/mouse
o's chart
mom's painting

*make b's handprint ornament*

xmas eve night:
fill stockings
put away sally
present checklist
camera charged/ready with tripod
put out cookies and reindeer food
put out santa key

tomorrow night we're going to church at 5, then we'll eat something for dinner and open up our mommy/daddy presents. we get them an ornament and cute jams. this year i got them matching winter minnie mouse jams, o loves minnie lately and loves matching bailey.

busy busy day. can't wait. thank you God for letting this year end well for me. we've been through a lot, and i had kind of a meltdown at 3am last night staring at pictures of grammy in my room and remembering the last xmas she was at our house. she was talked out of coming last year, and i was so angry at her that i didn't talk to her for a few days. the last xmas here for her was 2010. we got her a fruitcake and she was even able to walk a little bit and not be completely wheelchair bound. she had her smile still, not that distant look she got this last year. she had her crazy moments, but she was my gram. last year i cried when my parents went to pick her up from the nursing home and she refused to come, they came empty handed. i knew that i'd never have another christmas with her here, i just knew. this year she's here, watching us from the bookshelf. life is bittersweet.

-5

that's what the scale said this morning. which puts me  about 4 pounds off of what i was after i had bailey boo. i still wonder what i'd have weighed if i didn't put on weight after her and weighed myself after the swelling went down. my ankles and feet were still ridiculously swollen when we were up in st. pete when she was 3 weeks old, to the point that they didn't really fit into my crocs even and my sandals left marks on my ankles.

so that's encouraging, because i've had a hard time with the weight watchers a few times this week. it's hard to go from how i was eating the past year to this, but we can do it. charlie's doing great too, he's down over 3 lbs. my mom's birthday was yesterday and we successfully said no to the birthday cake, although i swear i could've eaten all of the delicious frosting flowers. that's the only part of the cake i really like anyways :)

last night olivia told me that her ears hurt, so this morning i made an appointment for her pediatrician. she hasn't had an ear infection in years, and she has never told me that they hurt before. bailey's been really fussy so i made an appointment for her too just to check and see if she's got something brewing. unfortunately it's the same time i was going to go get my tattoo, so that's not getting done today. i was going to get "love grama pat" in her handwriting from a birthday card on my arm. i'll have to reschedule it. the joys of being a mom sometimes.

i am almost done wrapping presents. i think i have.. maybe 10 little things left to do and i'm done. a few outfits for bailey, a pair of shoes for o, a book.. that's about it. i'm so sick of wrapping! and i'm so bad at it.

i need to go clean up the kitchen and then get ready to get out of here. my dad's going to go with me to help at the doctor's office. my parents rule.

my least favorite part of being a mom..

..is potty training. i said from day 1 i dreaded it, which i did and do, and maybe it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. but it sucks.

i thought after her bday we were just fighting the pooping on the potty battle. then she did it and it was amazing and she was peeing on the potty too.. 

then bailey. then regression wayyyyyy back.

when we got home from the hospital the first time- the nicu- she started going on the potty again. then after the second bout and us being up in picu for a week away from home- it's been awful since then. i can get her to go poop i'd say about 75% of the time, but peeing is ridiculous. i keep her in a pull-up because i'm alone half the week and it's so freaking hard with a newborn. i've had to have the couches and her chair in her room professionally cleaned from peeing on them, i can't do that every single time she has an accident. so on days that we're not both here we don't even attempt panties.

i've tried rewards with m&m's, stickers, sticker charts. trips to chuck e cheese, the playground. phone calls to excited family members. some days she's awesome with it. and then the very next day it's awful again. she just pees in the pull-up and doesn't care and will even change it herself and throw it away. i've tried setting timers. i just remind her to go a lot, and some days she will just refuse to drink.

so here we are, she's not quite 3.5, i know it's not the end of the world, but it sucks. i'd like her to do dance classes. hell, i'd like to have just 1 kid in diapers. she's too smart, it's more of a power struggle than anything with her. she's been a lot more defiant since bailey's been in the picture, just seeing what she can get away with. she never had a terrible 2's, it's the terrible 3's. lots of time outs lately. 

yesterday we put up her big xmas present: the swingset. 

we started out by having sally set the scene.

DearOlivia,

Ibrought this present a little early because it was too big to fit in my sleigh.Your dad and grandpa and uncle are going to help me put it together for you.Sally promised me that you will be a better girl today. Listen to your parentsand go on the potty, and I’ll be back on Christmas Eve with more presents!Don’t forget the cookies!

   

    Love, Santa

here it is after about 5-6 hours of charlie, my dad and uncle steve working on it

and olivia's first trip down the slide. she was nervous at first, but not today. 

the rest of last night i spent wrapping xmas presents, i'm almost done finally. i have charlie's stuff to do and a few little things and then i'm done. today i did the dreaded xmas day grocery shopping. my responsibilities are the lasagna, chicken parm, and crack brownies. i bought heavy duty plastic plates and some plastic cups and we can use my grammy's gold silverware, because i'm classy like that. after the dish disaster of thanksgiving this year, i'm not in the mood. on christmas i tear up the house the day before. the lasagna and chicken parm takes me hours to make. on xmas day all i have to do is pop the pans into the oven and i'm done. i don't want a million dishes to do. i think somebody's bringing salad and bread, my mom's making cannolis. i'll make up some crystal light. maybe my mom will bring some bailey's. i've been in the mood for a beer to be honest, but that's another story. 

i have a few things i need to do before xmas that i'm running out of time for. like the salt dough ornaments, and a cute painting with o, and another cute ornament. saturday i'm getting a new tattoo. i'm running out of time to stockpile my freezer up with milk for bailey, but that's really hard to do when she's eating every meal off of me. she'll probably have to supplement some formula the first week or so that i'm back at work.

life's pretty good though. crazy but good. i've been reading a lot, the bible and also game of thrones. don't really go together, do they? but i've never gotten through the bible, and me and the man are on a new level after this year. i still have a ton of questions, but i want to find out as much as i can. i want to be a better person. i'm working on little things one at a time. first thing: it's so easy to judge people. but you know what? that's not up to me. giving that up i think will reduce some stress in my life. it's a hard thing to do, but i'm willing to try. 

Survived the weekend..

Eating-wise and with football. That's always a challenge. We're getting back into better habits. Had a mishap with the fridge door being left open last night so I need to get some stuff today, but besides that we're good.

Olivia stayed at Charlie's mom's Friday night, sounded like crap when we got her Saturday morning, lots of coughing. She was awfully grumpy too. Sunday we woke up to go to church but there was no way she was going. My dad watched her and we told her we had to go shopping because she had been so excited to go back. Her cough sounds pretty bad still, didn't have a fever but was just miserable. Today could be a very long day... I've gotta try to keep Bailey from getting sick too.

How awful..

What else can you say about the shooting? Kindergarteners? Really? Probably so excited to get out of school soon, see Santa, enjoy their first winter break. Just be 5 year-olds. Now those parents have to deal with the aftermath that no parent should have to deal with. Those poor little kids. I was crying watching the news, and the president crying during his speech. Such a senseless tragedy.

weight watchers day 1..

the first time i started ww was back in january 2011, i'm down a total of 23.2 lbs since then. so at least i'm down, but whatever. i definitely need to do better. i've done ridiculous things in the past, like atkins which does great for a little while until you start to realize how messed up it is that you're drooling over a banana as you stuff your face with bacon.

i know it's about moderation, but this is the first plan that has helped me keep that in track. and if i freak out and want a donut one day, it helps me see that i need to cut those calories from somewhere else. and the tracker on my phone helps me realize that if i walk by something and just take a small bite, those bites add up.

so i got up, weighed myself (ew), and updated the info on the site. apparently i get an extra 14 points for breastfeeding? seems a bit excessive, i'll be trying to not use that many because when i nursed last time i didn't lose crazy weight like people claim. i've read it takes an extra 600 calories? and it only took an extra 300 to grow that little 8 lb 3 oz nugget? not buying that.

the little barcode scanner app for your phone is kinda fun. there's a lot of things in my pantry that i will be avoiding. today i had an omelet, some grapes, and an english muffin. nothing terrible, just need to not stare too hard at the delicious ginger bread house that olivia made yesterday that's sitting on my counter. sweets are the bane of my existence.

last time i was all good and made a chart to motivate us to compete with each other on how much we lost each week. of course nothing drastic is good for the milk supply, and competing with a guy- especially charlie- is not exactly fair, but hey it's a good thing to look at every time you go to open the fridge.

a public blog?

i haven't had one of these since the old livejournal days back when i was 16. i still have a private one that only about 3 people can read, but i like to ramble and i figure i could have one where i keep it politically correct and don't get myself fired and whatnot.

so let's see.

bitty nibbles = bailey and olivia. i'll post a lot of updates about my girls on here.

i was reminiscing earlier about what's brought us to this point, my life with charlie. i couldn't function without him. then all the good stuff started around christmas 2008. our christmas eve ultrasound, seeing that little 6 week heartbeat that turned into our olivia michelle. getting married on valentine's day, and that awesome day in august when we got to meet her. the craziness of how sick she was for months with gerd until we got her medication under control. all she did was scream until she was 4 months old.

then we enjoyed her. always wanting another one, it never really happening. my issues that i have with the woman parts and my ovarian cysts. then a nice surprise in summer 2011: we were expecting another one! finally. we felt so lucky, on cloud 9, just waiting until a little later to tell people. my 26th birthday felt surreal, and then that night i miscarried. and it was downhill after that. i had been working towards applying for the nursing program at that point, and that kind of kept me occupied. i still had some entrance exams to take. that helped keep my focus.

i got accepted, started preparing for that. in january 2012 i started. and then a little after our anniversary in february: pregnant again! definitely terrified to even breathe a word about it. even after our initial ultrasounds i had problems. subchorionic hematoma and placenta previa had me on bedrest pretty early. 4 ultrasounds by the time i was about 12 weeks along. then things started to improve. we found out early that it was another girl, and we all ready had the name picked out.

i decided later on to step down as a lead therapist and go to nightshift. we needed the money and flexibility with our schedule. so i went to the dark side after 7 years. a little bit of a culture shock, but i don't sleep much anyways. 4-5 hours at a time and i'm all right with a short nap.

i did a summer class, things were moving along. i just had a feeling that i needed to take a break from school in the fall. granted, i knew i was due in the middle of the term, but something else was nagging me.

it was a bad few months. charlie's mom getting unexpectedly ill and needing surgery. my mom got hurt at work and was going to need surgery. my dad got hurt his back and ended up barely able to function for months. and then losing my grammy. i remember sitting in bailey's room sorting clothes one night, the look on charlie's face when he told me that my mom told him grammy really wasn't doing well. my mom had been trying to shield me from it, but there was no denying it. within a week she was gone, and i never imagined how hard it would be to say goodbye to her. i never thought she wouldn't make it to meet bailey.

the last few weeks of my pregnancy were a nightmare, ending on 10/19, a little before my 10/30 due date. 3 trips to triage, walking around at 6cm dilated. all coming to a head on 10/18 when my water broke and i drove myself to the hospital. my mom had knee surgery that day, but still came to be with charlie and i. bailey was born within 2 hours to a chaotic birth without meds that i needed or an epidural. then it just spiraled after that: ended up being in the nicu for a week with pneumonia.

then i finally thought, hey, we have our girl at home! olivia had been so upset about not being able to meet her sister. we hadn't stayed at home for an entire week, took turns entertaining o in the hospital so we could be there with bailey as much as possible.

things seemed to be going well, but there was something we couldn't put our fingers on. 12 years of combined respiratory experience between the two of us, and we didn't know why her breathing looked so labored, why we could barely hear breath sounds. pneumonia still clearing up? even after another trip to the pediatrician and an x-ray i couldn't figure it out. then she woke up at 3am and gasped, when i turned on the light she was purple and barely breathing, and after a breathing treatment at home we rushed her to the hospital.

congenital lobar emphysema, 1 in 30,000. thank God it was confined to one lobe so it could be treated. within 3 days she went from being normal to needing emergency surgery. so we packed up our other daughter & my mom and went to st. pete where our littlest girl was air lifted. we stayed at the ronald mcdonald house, or should i say my mom and olivia did. charlie and i stayed with bailey about 20 hours a day. she had her surgery the day after we got there, and i have never been so terrified in my life. to say goodbye to your 3 week old, with how sick she was- i still don't know how we did it.

but she was so strong. there's so much more to say about it all, but not tonight. through it all, we had friends come out of the woodwork with generosity and love and prayers that we will never forget. i've never cried so much in my life between the stress and thankfulness. it totally changes your perspective on everything, and it really has. i'm on a new level with God after all of this, i truly believe that he was in the operating room that day taking care of our girl. along with Grammy. we met some amazing doctors, nurses, respiratory therapists, cna's, housekeeping personnel, x-ray techs, cafeteria workers- just amazing people that all contributed to great care at the hospitals we were at.

it's been a whirlwind since we got home. it took bailey a lot longer to settle in than it did after the nicu stay. she was more stressed out, and i think we were too. she was very sensitive as far as being held, routines, napping. only now at 8 weeks old can she nap alone. still at night we hold her in the recliner most of the time. the transition to normal infant routines is slow with her, but she's coming along with it. we've had a lot of followup appointments, with pulmonary, her regular pedi and the surgeon. everything's looking great thank God.

kids are so different. she's way easier than olivia was, all things considered. she eats better, naps better during the day, likes the swing, likes the car, likes to be swaddled, and will tolerate other people besides me holding her- all totally different than olivia. olivia used the swing a total of once. Once. and every car trip was a screamfest. and forget about trying to swaddler her. blue eyes on the other hand is totally different.

so here we are, december 2012. yesterday would have been grammy's 85th birthday. last year i brought her an iced tea and a jelly donut, this year i made cookies and glanced at her urn about 100 times. i told olivia that today was grammy pat's birthday, and she looked at me and said "yeah, but she's in heaven now with Jesus." not your typical 3 year old.

we have a lot to be thankful for this christmas, i've never been through so much and never felt so blessed.

so here's to getting back to living life and not just feeling like we're surviving it. today we're working back towards getting healthy again. i only gained 10 lbs while i was pregnant with bailey boo, but i've put on some since i had her with all this stress. time to get healthy for my girls so i can set a good example.

we're working towards going to disney in february: we've only taken one vacation ever together, i think we and especially olivia deserve it. that kid's been through a lot in the past few months and deserves some princess time. it can double as our 4th anniversary gift also. so that's 10 weeks away, maybe i can shave off 20 lbs by then? 15? we'll see, it's worth a shot. i've done it before and i can do it again. and my partner in crime is ready also. charlie loses weight so much faster than i can, but i am nursing so i do get a few extra points. weight watchers is the only thing that keeps me accountable, so i'm back on the bandwagon. the elliptical awaits, and i have a new little one to push around in the stroller. and the weather is nice out now so it won't be so bad!

what else.. i go back to work on new year's eve. i'm dreading leaving my girls, but also somewhat glad to get back to some normalcy. life goes on. i kinda miss the place :) definitely the people. i'm making an effort to go to church, i owe it to the Man. standing there with bailey during service last week, i couldn't help but tear up. i'm so lucky to have her here.

and now it's really time to go to bed. the 3 hours between feedings comes so fast, and i can hear her fidgeting all ready. tomorrow is a new day, well, today technically. it's 1am. i rearranged songs and updated my ipod and made a lovely new playlist called "fatty mcfat" for workouts. oh how i hate to exercise, but this weight isn't going to just fall off on its own.